Losing a Baby: Things I’ve Learned About Miscarriage

As someone who has been through many miscarriages since I was 28 (I’m now 41), plus giving birth to my son Frankie who was born sleeping on 29 November 2013 when I was 33 weeks pregnant, I found this blog post very helpful and comforting. I could identify with all of it, and I thought I would share it on my blog.

The Happy Baby Project

1. You may not realise anything is wrong. You may not bleed, nor feel cramps. In fact, you may be blissfully unaware that there is a problem at all until a scan, when instead of a kicking happy baby, you see a lifeless thing floating asleep, or you see nothing at all.

2. A scan will forever be a hateful thing – rather than excitement at looking at the screen, you will always wish the screen to be turned away from you, expecting a “sorry, there’s no heartbeat”.

3. And while I’m at it, sonographers have the best poker faces in the world. Fact.

4. After the scan, there is a lot of waiting. Waiting for further scans, waiting for tests. Waiting to miscarry naturally or waiting for pills to make you miscarry. Then there is waiting for appointments, waiting for operations to remove tissue. Finally there is waiting for your period to…

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What Does Hope Mean To You?

1511337_10152454957892676_1576529275420347870_n-300x300What does hope mean to you?  What do you think it means to be hopeful?  Is there such a thing as false hope?

I was hopeful when I was pregnant with Frankie in 2013.  From the moment the pregnancy test turned positive I had hope in my heart, hope that I would finally be a Mummy after years of miscarriages and disappointments every month.  I hoped I would get to six weeks, then eight, then ten, then 12, and I did.  I got to 20 weeks and found out I was going to have a baby boy.  I then got to 23 weeks, and the first bombshell was delivered.  My son had a severe cleft lip and palate, and talipes.

Bombshell after bombshell after bombshell was given to me from that point onwards, and yet even when he was born sleeping, even when I held my son in my arms, even during his funeral, through the worst time of my life, I hoped that this wouldn’t be it.  I hoped I would still hold a son or daughter in my arms one day.

In 2014 the bombshells kept happening, every month it was something else, sometimes it was more than one thing.  Last May in particular was rough – I suffered another miscarriage, my father in law’s health declined rapidly (he died on June 5th) and my cousin Brenda died and I had to attend her funeral. There wasn’t a single month where something didn’t happen.

But I never lost hope.  There were times where I felt that I wanted to give up, that I wanted to just curl into a ball and never get out of bed again.  There were times I felt that life was futile, that bad things were always destined to happen to me, and I wasn’t sure if I could get on with life and cope.  Just one thing would have been enough to floor someone, and as each thing happened, each death, each miscarriage, each betrayal by so-called friends, each funeral – the little bit of hope I had was slowly eroded away.

But it never went away completely.

I kept the tiniest bit of hope inside me, and I refused to become bitter, twisted and negative as a result of everything that happened to me.  For every friend that betrayed me, there were several who were kind, caring and went above and beyond to help me. For every death and funeral that happened, there was birth and new life to love and hold. Even through redundancy and rejection in my career there were new opportunities, new beginnings and new challenges to undertake and to face.

I think that no matter what happens to us, we have to have hope, we have to cling on to hope, and we have to keep going no matter what.  The easiest thing in the world is to give up and give in, and sometimes you have to be realistic and accept what is, as some things can never be changed or altered.  I cannot bring Frankie back, no matter how much I want to, for example.

I’d like to know what hope means to you, and if you think there is such a thing as false hope.  Please leave a comment below, or email hello@happinesspersonified.co.uk.

Welcome To Happiness Personified


Welcome to Happiness Personified, a blog about happiness, the power of positive thinking, living simply enjoying the little things in life.

After my son was born sleeping last year, I decided as part of my recovery to create a positivity and happiness blog, and so “Happiness Personified” – http://www.happinesspersonified.co.uk – was born.

I’ve always been fascinated by self help, positive thinking, positive affirmations and the pursuit of happiness and I’d been meaning to start a blog like this for some time.  Ever since I was introduced to the book “The Magic Of Thinking Big” by David J Schwartz back in 1994 I have read countless books on positive thinking, set myself attainable goals and tried to talk to myself in a positive way, even though I’ve had so much against me over the years.

Happiness Personified’s mission is to inspire, encourage, uplift and to show people reading it the power of positive thinking, living simply and to enjoy the little things in life.  It includes articles, reviews, quotes, inspiring images and more.

You can follow Happiness Personified on Twitter and Facebook:

Twitter: www.twitter.com/happinessper

Facebook: www.facebook.com/happinesspersonified

I would love to hear from you with any comments and feedback you have about this blog.

Love and light,

Lisa – Happiness Personified xxx